You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
