I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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