now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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