After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
