to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
