Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
