Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
