"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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