Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
