Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
