in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
