forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
