Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
