i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
