The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
