Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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