one two three fourrrrnication!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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