I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
