You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
