Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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