What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
