We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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