I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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