Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
