The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
