she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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