Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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