My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Come see our sink grown plant.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
