laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize