Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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