grandma shit on top of the toilet
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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