dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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