escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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