Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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