just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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