she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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