I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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