I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
