I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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