U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
