My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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