5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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