im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Randomize
