They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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