I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
