i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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