He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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