what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
