shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Panties = found
Randomize
