sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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