So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
