I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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