looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
