I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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