Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
