had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
