I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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