you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
