There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
