we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
