oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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