Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
