Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
