I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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