im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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