Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
