dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
