That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
