He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
