My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
