just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
