new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Holy shit dude........stairs
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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