what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize