Im at strip club and am horny
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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