After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
