finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize